It’s the weirdest feeling in the world when the kid next to you in class punches you on the shoulder and jokes around with you by saying “psh yeah, I see you failed to. Don’t cut yourself over it.” And they all laugh.
If loss had a face it would be yours. You lost out when you dropped out and coped out of the little bit of responsibility handed towards you. You branded your self with alcoholism. You branded yourself. You branded yourself. You banned yourself from my blood and flooded me with insecurities. Drunk, you flunked the daddy role before I was born, my mom was adorned with the eyes of a child and was strong enough to never file for child support.
You lost when I was in kindergarden and almost fell short of someone to hold my hand on bring daddy to school day. A real man filled the role the best he could, he shouldn’t of had too.
You lose every time I get complimented, you lose every time I grow, you lose every time I succeed. Why didn’t you want to be here to see?
I feel alone I feel unwanted I feel I feel I feel abandoned. How could I resemble someone who annulled our relationship before I ever saw him. I feel like you are the winner. Honestly, I am a beginner at being a woman, but maybe I got the good end of the bargain.
If I found you would be well grounded with a wife and a family more to your liking? Would your kids be more beautiful than you expected me to be, or did your greed for drinks over come you, do you breathe?
I hope you feel the loss everytime you look in the mirror, I hope you see me in yourself, a piece of yourself you left behind.
All you ever gave me was a check for fifty and damn am I glad that my mom put you in check in burned it, but with every bridge connecting to you along with it….I wonder where you stand now.
I suppose if I really wanted to, I could find you in the dictionary under loss.
